Hello friends and family!
Well I'm extremely frustrated! I had this whole entry complete when boom there it goes, all of it GONE! It was a long heart felt entry that I'm not sure I can replicate, not to mention it took me about an hour to write..So here it goes again!
I hope you all are having a fantastic fall, I can't believe how fast the time goes now that Ashlynn is in school! Holy smokes, it's already November! You know what that means?! This weekend we will celebrate Colter's 2nd birthday!! I recently read a quote, " Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys."- Rita Schiano Isn't that the truth? I feel like sometimes I focus so much on where Colter was that I forget about where his is. But please don't confuse this with my amount of gratefulness. There still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how lucky we are, or how blessed we are for good health or health in general. But in someway I think I talk about Colter's hard times as a way for me to heal. Or in someway I don't want people to forget about how hard he fought. Colter is a remarkable, miraculous little boy. At any rate struggle can effect us in the best of ways or the worst of ways. For me personally it's effected me in the the best of ways. It shaped me into the person I know God wants me to be. I know I still have a lot of work to do, but it's showed me that I capable of a lot more than I ever imagined. I have more strength than I ever gave myself credit for. Most of all I gained trust, trust in God and trust in his process. Due to that I've learned to let my guard down, enjoy the ride and quit trying to control life's outcomes. Life is going to happen one way or another and the only thing I can control is my response to what happens. I've let go of worrying, a gained a trusting relationship that God has my back. I have to tell you, it's been pretty awesome. So as I sit here and reflect on Colter's first 2 years of life I want to make a conscious effort to focus on the JOYS not the struggle or heartache.
When we were first graced with Colter's presence it was that distinct perma-frown I remember! That precious little wrinkle over the top of his nose. It was so cute, he also had a blonde widows peak. He was just perfect! When we got him home he was a sleepy little thing, every time those eyes opened he was ready to eat!!
When I think about surgery day that was the 1st time we got to see what Colter was made of. At only 11 days old he showed us his tremendous amount of strength and his will and desire to live. I looked up the word, persevere it's defined as follows: To continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success. Doesn't that pretty much sum up Colter?! Despite Colter's dips and turns for the worst he always seemed to persevere. His tenacity to live was something that was undeniable from the beginning. After each scare it was always followed by great JOY.
When we finally got to bring little Colter home, that's when we got to see what his true potential was. With every hurdle placed in front of him he seemed to jump it with such grace. With every "can't, and won't," he slowly but surely turned it into a "can and will." Starting with healing his lung to having a normal gas exchange. To getting rid of his oxygen to learning how to eat.
Learning how to eat was a huge struggle he overcame. Eating is something we all tend to take for granted, it's something so natural and effortless most of us don't even think about it. Until your baby can't eat on his own. I never got to feed Colter a bottle, and I can sit here and sulk about it OR I can tell you something better! You want to know what the great joy is here? Watching Colter eat and enjoy food for the first time! Something we worked so hard for! It was such a reward to watch him eat and be excited about it! Food and eating is something that brings a family together, so when Colter couldn't do that I felt bad for him. I was afraid he'd never get to enjoy cake or icecream, just think about drinking a tall glass of ice cold water on a hot day. All experiences we don't think twice about. But Colter accomplished that goal! He can eat and drink! Words can't describe how proud and happy I was!
With Colter needing to spend so much time recovering he lost valuable time doing baby things like rolling over, sitting up, crawling and walking. But in time just like everything he did each one of those baby milestones. Watching him climb such a steep mountain to reach those goals that's were the joy was.Watching him slowly but surely cross these things off his 'to do list' was just incredible. Seeing his meds dwindle down to just a baby aspirin was so exciting! Hearing his heart function is on the low side of normal, all of these things are beautiful and joyous. They have much more prominence in our life than the hard times. Colter hasn't let Truncus Arteriosus define him, he's writing his own story.
While I could continue to reminisce about all of Colter's triumphs we'd probably be here all day! That makes me smile, that's what makes his journey special. I'm so proud that Colter is our son, I feel honored that God chose us out of the millions and millions of people to be his parents. Most people go their whole lives never getting to meet their hero, but I gave birth to mine. I get to enjoy him everyday. With the "terrible 2's" in full swing, I can't help but laugh and smile each time Colter throws himself onto the floor. I prayed for those tantrums, I prayed to be challenged, I prayed for long nights, I even prayed to hear him cry, I prayed for life. Colter is FULL OF LIFE! I make sure to remind myself each day how lucky we are to have 2 healthy children who challenge us and keep us on our toes. They fill our hearts with so much love and appreciation for life. There's nothing better than watching the kids run and play together, to hear them laughing that is the true essence and beauty of life.
So during this holiday season let's all try not to think about what's difficult in life. Because life is inevitably difficult. Rather think about the joy in life, think about the things that make life unique and astounding. I hope we can all remember to wake up each morning and be thankful for the day, make the most of each moment. Stop from the commotion of life and listen! I challenge you! In those moments where you "just got to get the dishes done, or clean the house," put your stuff down and go play with your kids. They grow fast, too fast your stuff will be there, but your kids will grow up. So take advantage of the moment. That is all! Can you believe I had to re-write all of this!! :D
I'm wishing you all a safe and blessed Thanksgiving!
Bobbie
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